Friday, April 20, 2007

Rags Contributor Leo Messi Breaks it Down

Hola y hello. I am Leo Messi and I am 19 years old. I am very good, you know, at the futbol soccer. Seriously. Watch me score this gol.



Now, I'm here to talk about sports play by playing guys. A lot of people think Dave Niehaus is the best of all time. This is what you hear about all the time in my favorite bar in Barcelona, the Pata Negra. All the chicos they sit around and drink sherry and they say, that Dave Niehaus makes radio broadcasts worthwhile again and that you can really visualizar the "pop" of the bat and the homerunning. I agree, Dave is the best. But for second best, it's a tight battle. A lot of people probably think about the Bobby Thompson jonrun. This is a very popular choice. But I disagree. And I will show you why. Here is what the Russ Hodges was screaming:
Bobby Thomson up there swinging... He's had two out of three, a single and a double, and Billy Cox is playing him right on the third-base line... One out, last of the ninth... Branca pitches... Bobby Thomson takes a strike called on the inside corner... Bobby hitting at .292... He's had a single and a double and he drove in the Giants' first run with a long fly to center... Brooklyn leads it 4-2...Hartung down the line at third not taking any chances...Lockman without too big of a lead at second, but he'll be running like the wind if Thomson hits one... Branca throws...
There's a long drive, it's gonna be, I believe...THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT!! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT! Bobby Thomson hits into the lower deck of the left-field stands! The Giants win the pennant and they're going crazy, they're going crazy! Ohhhhh-oh!!!''
Here's the recording. Now that's pretty nice. Emotional, from a poetic standpoint very good use of repetition and he really creates the image in my mind, yes? Four times the Giants win the Pennant.

But now let's take a look at Victor Hugo Morales, who was doing the action for the Argentina contra Inglaterra (hijas de puta) game in Mexico, DF, in 1986. Thanks to un amigo for the translation.
...Diego is going to get it, Maradona has it, two men mark him, Maradona steps on the ball, the genius of world soccer accelerates to the right and leaves behind a third man and he's going to pass it to Burruchaga....no it's still Maradona! Genius! Genius! Genius! ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta...and Goooooooal.... Gooooooooal!.....

Spectacular! Long live soccer! A super goal! Diegoal! Maradona! I'm going to cry -- I'm so excited please forgive me....Maradona, in an unforgetable run, in a play for all time...the cosmic keg...what planet did you come from? So that you could run such a clean path through so many Englishmen, so that a whole nation, with its fists clenched, is howling for Argentina....Argentina 2 - England 0....Diegoal, Dieagoal, Diego Armando Maradona...Thank you God, for soccer, for Maradona, for my falling tears, for this Argentina 2 - England 0....
Here you can hear it in Castellano. Okay, great. Now I am crying. This is embarrasing. But it's just too beautiful. This Hugo did not write Les Miserables, but he did something that is worthy of eternal literary enshrinimiento. I am also emocionado....gracias Diego.

Hodges is like an overture. Hugo is an opera.

24 comments:

Jacobo Green said...

I like Messi. I'm not saying I don't. A post like this shows the kid's got heart - a lot of it. I think he'll be Un Grande, as they say. Like Largent. Like Easley before he started stuffing his liver with fistfuls of advil. Like Maradoo (dare I say it?) before the Neopolitans got their hands on him and started plying him with the high grade tony montana. Like Curt Warner before the ACL tear. Like Largent knocking Steve Atwater silly on Monday night football. Guy had to leave on a stretcher. Like Largent running for Congress. But I digress: Un Grande.

And I think the kid has studied his history. I think the kid might know a thing or two about a thing or two about the beisbol. Might know a thing or two more than Jayson Bass is what I'm saying. But the kid certainly didn't grow up on say, Queen Anne, through the 80s or 90s. The kid is probably a little prejudiced toward NBA announcers cause the kid had to put up with the NBA Stuffs International edition with Ahmad Rashad and a bargain basement spanish version of the NBA Playoffs on ESPN en espanol (yep: it's the same old same old motherfuckers who seem to always cover the Cowboys games down there, too). Now maybe the Kid was lucky and his uncle hooked him up with a VHS dub of the English language play-by-play of an NBA Playoffs game. Might have got it at one of those street markets down in San Telmo, say. So maybe the kid knows Marv Albert. That's not saying much, if you know what I'm driving at.

What I AM driving at is that the Kid either doesn't know Kevin Calabro or HAS INTENTIONALLY CHOSEN TO OMIT KEVIN CALABRO from his list. In either case, the Kid might just offend a couple people. I'm just saying.

As an electronic peace pipe, I provide the Young Lad (dare I call him that? Would Mudbone approve?) with this link: http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/
night/archives/102755.asp.
And I make this plea to KJR: Do not covet the Kevin Calabro Supersonics game broadcast archives; make them the domain of the public. Let people sing out: "Good Golly Miss Molly," "Flying Chickens in the Barnyard," "McMillan's in a different place, a different space, the rim is the size of a man-hole cover." Let them name their kids The Glove and Reignman and the Mercedes. Let them remember Big Paper Daddy and Sarunas Marciulionis and all of those who spilled green and yellow to get those 90s teams to the Finals. Let them remember the Kings of '79 for God's sake.

Kevin Calabro: Un Grande

Lionel Messi: Still a Kid But Better than Mudbone

Chi-Wei Hu said...

And the Mariners are going to play for the American League championship, I don't believe it. My oh my.
Now come on out to Dahl Field where I'll be grilling up some hot dogs and bbq chicken and reminiscing about good times at University Prep.

Unknown said...

Lionel Messi is the best footballer EVER!! He has the skills that all others wish to aquire. Noone will ever be as good as him because of his KILLER SKILLS!!!
*****I love you Leo Messi*****

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