Wednesday, April 18, 2007

31.50 - 14.75 = Jeff Weaver's ERA

Italian old master Guido Reni was born in 1575, which is Weaver's current ERA after last night's, uh, masterful performance against the Twinkies. Interestingly, he actually painted an allegorical work that beautifully depicts Torii Hunter metaphorically smacking a "grande salami" off Weaver in the 5th. The piece, which hangs in the church of Sta. Maria della Concezione in Rome, is nominally of the Archangel Michael stomping on Satan, but that was just so Reni could get funding for his work and his terrible snuff habit (the New World was really new back then. Tobacco was more expensive than high grade smack). The real story here is Hunter putting his foot firmly on Weaver's head.

Reni, in his journals, famously wrote that Hunter "owns Weaver. He was 10-for-22 (.454) with 12 RBIs against him going into the game, and he would add two more hits and four ribeyes to that total on that fateful Tuesday night."

Geoff Baker went out and dutifully got a quote from the nearest Archbishop he could find, one Msgr. de l. Hargrove:

"There were things that Jeff did in this outing that he hadn't done in the past," said Hargrove, whose team saw its two-game winning streak ended. "Especially in that fifth inning. He got aggressive, went after hitters, struck out Cuddyer, had them on the ropes and then hung a slider."

Hargrove admitted that the seven runs allowed by Weaver in a second straight outing "is not the way you want to do it."

Disappointingly, neither the Times nor the PI (okay, not really disappointingly, since that implies you expected better and got worse. We expect exactly what we always get from these papers) managed to get any of the body language/theatrics color that the AP reporter covering the game did:

Weaver stomped his right shoe into the turf. Two pitches later, after Jason Kubel lined a double over Suzuki to the center-field wall, the crowd booed Weaver loudly. When Weaver finally ended the inning by covering first base on a groundout, he spiked the ball into the infield dirt and stomped into the dugout.
Scott Boras could not be reached for comment.

1 comment:

Carlester said...

Jeff Weaver is like Rick Mirer. He really, really wants to be liked, to be good, but he ain't no good and no one likes him. Fool needs to go back to Northridge, CA where he come from, chump. Gimme some Mike Moore.