Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Why the Young Must be Eaten

With a baseball coverage team consisting of the never hard hitting John Hickey, Art Thiel and Moira Koskey, the "Mariner Housewife," we suppose it's not that surprising that the Seattle P.I. feels inclined to look for a little bit of utility man help.

But what is to be made of today's godawful farmed out column playing off Weaver's inauspicious debut yesterday? Perhaps our least favorite part about it was the Lee Press-On Nails dragging down the chalkboard use of the phrase "At the end of the day" in each little recap capsule.

So who is this aspiring young sports columnist? Why, it's Seth Kolloen, Freelance Writer.
His tagline: Quality Writing, Quickly.

This reminds us of our time living in Mexico City and a little copy shop we used to go to (editor's note: the photocopier is perhaps the most influential and important machine ever introduced to Mexico. Way more important than steel or the VW Bug. Life simply cannot be lived there without photo copies, in triplicate, of everything. As a result, copy shops are everywhere). This shop had a sign on the wall. It read (in translation) "We do three kinds of work here. Slow, cheap and good. Fast, cheap and bad. Fast, good and expensive. You choose."

Now we know that the PI does not pay freelancers well. And since Kolloen is all about fast, we think it's pretty clear which option sports editor Nick Rousso picked. And considering this "humorous" line he wrote elsewhere on the CyberSpace, in a piece about obesity, they can keep him:
Banning obesity in public places will be a long, arduous fight. But don’t tell me it can’t be done—for God’s sake, homosexuals can marry in this country. Anything is possible.
A little more digging reveals some kind of fat obsession on behalf of Mr. Kolloen. We're not fat, we're just big boned, but we're starting to get offended. Here's what the PI has to say about a man who brags that he "achieved client placement in The New York Times, The New York Post, and several other publications":

The Stranger identified Seth Kolloen the best sportswriter you've never heard of for his work at His columns appear occasionally in the P-I.

I'm so jealous I'm breaking with the Royal We format. Odds bodkin, is there no justice in the world?

1 comment:

Chi-Wei Hu said...

Anyone up for a pickup baseball game tonight on Dahl Field at 6 pm?