Monday, October 16, 2006

The Flattest Brim in Baseball Awards 2006

It's October and time to think about who truly subscribes to the notion that the shortest path beteween two salary arbitration hearings is a straight brim. Yes, it's that orgy of Euclidian geometry in action, the first annual flattest brim competition. Remember those crappy plastic apparatuses used to form a perfect ballcap brim bend (on sale at your local Lidz, in the junk bin with the mismatched wristbands)? These fine players (and coaches) will have nothing to do with them; their world is in the shadow of the spectre of overpowering, Zito-esque curve. Submissions from our millions of readers are more than welcome. Balloting will be open until the last out of the World Series, when a champion will be selected. Here, the competitors:

1. Chad Cordero, Washington Nationals, RHP
Hailing from Upland, Calif.
Click here for a deep investigation of his brim over time (b/t = mc2)

2. Anthony Reyes, St. Louis Cardinas, RHP
Hails from Downey, Calif.
Apparenly he actually irons his hat brim. Irons!

3. Sweet Lou Piniella
Fox Commentator. Once and Future Yankee? Cub?
Multicultural Florida

4. Shawn Chacon, Pittsburgh Pirates, RHP
Anchorage, Alaska
(Quick: name five Alaskan athletes. Not including Trajan Langdan)

5. Mike Cameron, San Diego Padres, OF
La Grange, Ga.
This man may not have invented the flat brim, but he's the one that turned me on to it, man.

Hey, that's pretty flat:

6. Pokey Reese, Florida Marlins, SS
Columbia, SC
He's recently moved away from flat brims. For that he will pay.
Also, this brim may not seem all that flat, but consider the age of this photo. At the time, this was extremely radical, the baseball equivalent of a Victorian lady without petticoats, the ultra mini skirt, etc. In an era of extremely peaked brims, people looked at Pokey's kind of flat brim and reconsidered whether Columbus had indeed been wrong. Maybe the world was kind of flat.

Okay. That's the first six. Please send more.

7. Okay, what the hell is this? Fantasy flat brim Mexico Los Angeles what what?