Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It's Weaver Time

We here at the Rag are really excited about Jeff Weaver finally getting a chance to show his stuff.

We are hopeless at graphic design, otherwise we'd put a big fat "S" over that horrid NY symbol. In anticpation of the game and the huge bets we'll be placing on the game, we had our upstairs neighbor's pet long haired Chihuahua, Oliver (photo TK), predict the outcome. He did this by selecting between dog biscuits arranged into pitch and hit options on a masking tape grid on the floor (strike, ball, foul, ground out, fly out, single, double, triple, HR, wild pitch, passed ball, temper tantrum, blowing into hand, grasping at Guido chain). Oliver is a little guy, so he was stuffed after 3.2 innings, which is about how long we expect Weaver to last tonight. Let's just say he was having a hard time of it -- Oliver suggests he'll give up 42 hits, leading to 24 runs and also have multiple temper tantrums.

Meanwhile, Oliver's constant companion, Moby the Pug, sneered. "All this is prelude," he seemed to say, "to tomorrow's Japanese juggernaut."
Original Movie Idea of the Day(TM)*:

Tim Montgomery just pleaded (pled?) guilty to bank fraud. Here's the former world record 100 meter sprinter, later shamed and stripped of titles for juicing, reduced to trying to cash funny checks on the Eastern seaboard. Okay, we are talking about $1.6 million in bad checks, but still, it's got all the markings of a heartwarming little tale of a once great man turned into the pawn of evil men. Kind of like Memento, but instead of amnesia, this guy has 'Roid Rage.

Script writes itself. Start with winning the world record. Then go to arrest and handcuffing. Then back to the beginning, bringing us quickly to his rise to stardom and rapid fall. And there he is, desperate, jonesing, and a bunch of crooks bring him in. Who would ever suspect Tim Montgomery of passing bad checks? Nobody. Imagine scenes with guns waving around, screaming. "But I'm the World Champ!" "No. You used to be the world champ. Now you are my bitch." Etc.

All offers sent to our attention.

(*You heard it here first. If you attempt to make a movie out of this, or any other Seatown Rags Original Movie Idea of the Day (TM) -- including "King Lincoln: That Way Madness Lies" --without consulting and/or paying Seatown Rags, we will sue your pants off.)

In other news:

  • We know nothing about hockey, except that Petr Nedved played for the Thunderbirds. But we do know that Montreal music -- a.ka. "Separatist Rock" in Canadianese -- is an unrecognized lode of fun. And they like hockey. And this video is great.

  • Jay Buhner, as pointed out on Deadspin last week, likes sticking his finger into things he shouldn't. This week, apparently, it's management.

  • We're thinking of bidding on this. Great gift for all our friends and we love that the seller identified the M's as part of the NBA. Or maybe this.

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