Monday, April 09, 2007

Felix and Washburn and Three Days of Snow

Make that four days of snow

Early in the morning, in the middle of the night
John Hickey and Geoff Baker had a snowball fight.
The latter pondered whether we should demand
The end of April games in the city of Cleveland.
Hickey, meanwhile, focused his keen attention
On getting coach Chaves a long-awaited mention.
Chaves, having seen more snow than he'd ever seen in his life, got just about everybody with a snowball, and he received as good as he got.
And while Hickey filled us in on Chaves and his "snow weapons," we were also privy to a bucolic scene of millionaires enjoying the simple things in life:
Raul Ibanez....was posing for a photographer between relievers J.J. Putz and Arthur Rhodes, just three big kids kicking it in the deep powder.
Of course this immediately makes us here at the Rag rethink our team slogan depth chart. This is poetry and Mr. Hickey deserves a raise. So, as it stands, our top slogan remains, but a new number two has emerged:

  1. Mariners Baseball: a Churning Nightmare of Death Full of Questions without Answers
  2. The M's: Just Some Big Kids Kicking it in the Deep Powder
  3. The Mariners: how Bill Bavasi took a Great Team and Made it into Cholera-laced Dukey
  4. It's Big League Stuff
  5. "Makyuu no Shoutai" (Secrets of the Demon Miracle Pitch)

In other news, the Rags staff is now accepting nominations for actors to represent Mariners players, coaches and execs in a high-eight figure Hollywood pic currently in pre-production telling the tale of Howard Lincoln's rise and fall, a story based heavily on King Lear. (Sweet Lou takes the role of Cordelia, although early treatments had Bryan Price in that part. The pieces all fit together from there on out).

All suggestions will be warmly received for the following roles. We have oral committments from Manson and Leguizamo, but nothing is set in stone.

  • Howard Lincoln (Lear) =
  • Lou Piniella (Cordelia) =
  • Bob Melvin (Regan) =
  • Mike Hargrove (Goneril) =
  • Randy Johnson (Duke of Albany) = Marilyn Manson
  • Alex Rodriguez (Duke of Cornwall) = John Leguizamo
  • Jim Lefebvre (Earl of Gloucester) =
  • Pat Gillick (Earl of Kent) =
  • Dan Wilson (Oswald) = Kevin Costner (of course)
and, in a rare double role:
  • Bill Bavasi as treacherous Edmund =
  • Bill Bavasi as the Fool =

1 comment:

Chi-Wei Hu said...

How could Jose Lopez be such a pathetic pussy?

Perhaps the biting 50 degree Seattle weather is to blame for Jose's non-too-stellar .111 batting average. I am sure your millions can afford you some hand warmers and pair of muffs.

From the Seattle Times: 2B Jose Lopez, who had never seen snow before Friday's aborted series opener, is quickly tiring of it.

"I don't like the cold," he said. "If it's cold for even one
day in Seattle, I want to go back to Venezuela."