Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Nuts, hot nuts, you get 'em from the Peanut Man

Our D.C. bureau chief has been doing some late night digging and has come up with some fresh (well, somewhat fresh) information on the man of mystery, he who passes for Vincent Schiavelli, but can execute the forward (peanut) pass better than any Seahawk QB on record (except of course Kelly Stouffer). We are of course talking about Rich Kaminski, god of the goober.

Nut Case

The revelations here are that he apparently lives, or lived, in Kent. Also that he may have a college degree and that he was an A-Rod fan. Also, that he loves board games:

It's like that board game LIFE, where players get stars, hearts and dollars. Well, I've got a tall stack of hearts, a dwindling stack of stars and a very small stack of dollars.
This is good stuff. Good understand the man and you'll understand America stuff. But then comes this, and we begin to question, as we so often have, the evil doers who drive the bus:

Read Down, Because the Top Part is Boring

The drove the Peanut "Guy" and the Program "Guy" out of the stadium? This isn't Communist Russia! This isn't The Bolshevik Mariners. How could they do that to these geniuses of their craft?

(note bene: I think this is as good a time as any to disclose that I worked at the Kingdome, a contract hire by Ogden food services. The leakiest ship I've ever had the pleasure of serving on. I think I worked a total of six shifts before I got my first promotion. Worked six more and I was promoted again. Meanwhile there was an Australian backpacker type working in the bag boiling and bagging hot dogs and he would eat one of every four dogs he plucked out of the water. Avoided King Dogs altogether on the theory that he ran less of a risk of choking as he tried to swallow down the sausage in five seconds or less. Meanwhile (pt. II) the old guy at the register next to mine would routinely come out $100 or more under his till.)

Back to the subject at hand. Please help me find Rich Kaminski. HBO wants to do a TV series based on him.

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