Everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned

This is deeply troubling to me. So much so that I will go beyond the Seattle sports pages, reaching into the bracking dreck that is Oosatoday to bring you, brim beating fans, very bad news indeed:

Say Adieu to Laine, Bonjour to Synthetic Doo Doo

Here's some photo evidence of the shitstorm that is brewing in the minds of the evildoers who run baseball.


To break this down in terms you can understand, one of these kids is doing his own thing; one of these kids is not the same (on a side note, F the A's). It's the one on the left, which is made out of Play-Doh, used Pakistani truck tires, malaria laden mosquito netting and also a barrel or two of pure saccharine sweet Saudi Arabian crude, so rich, so thick, you have to spoon it up. On the right, we have something we all love, because it's renewable and adorable: sheep hair.

I think the message is pretty clear here, folks. Major League Baseball is somewhere to the right of Exxon when it comes to putting the planet first. MLB brought in astroturf, it brought in air conditioned domed stadiums, it brought in plastic beer cups rather than the waxed cardbord of yore (see previous post for more thoughts on beer and baseball) and now plastic hats. Rex Tillerson is a happy, happy man, and all I want to know is if Halliburton got the New Era contract.

P.S. if anyone has the video of Vlad Guerrero winning the All Star MVP a few years ago and losing his shit when he finds out he gets a free car, I'd be most most happy and would definitely put it up for all to enjoy.